I Walked Down Memory Lane and Ran Into You . . .

I took a stroll down memory lane
--I ran into you again; always at the same place, same time.
---always in the same element, same instant.

I too a stroll down memory lane
--I ran into you again; always at the same fork, same split in the road.
----always while looking you in the eye for the last time

I took a stroll down memory lane, and I ran into you:

--I grabbed you by the arm, as I've been meaning to.

And I told you:

I'm sorry for being insecure.
I'm sorry for not being everything I tried to be.
I'm sorry for being distrustful of you.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
I'm sorry for loving you the way you didn't want to be loved.
I'm sorry for not providing enough for you.

I'm sorry for having to say sorry this many times.

But I'm not sorry for running into you on memory lane;
---because I'll never be sorry for loving you.

Two years and counting since I've last touched you.

I'll catch you on memory lane again.

x

ha-ha-he-he-ha-ha-hoe.

shh . . .

it's happening again; something i've always enjoyed. hmm . . .

r u ready? i'm not. i always think i am. but i always realize otherwise.

i'm on the stoop of some downtown brownstone, which by the way coincidentially rhymes for no special reason, trying to think of what is running through my veins. surely.it.is.not.blood.

tears? i haven't cried. f
ears? i'm not afraid.
questions? i have the answers.
dreams? i've worn them out.

where is the one with the fire in his blood?

LOOK. look. keep looking. yes. just keep looking.

oh.my.god.

The Obamas

Now I don't even care if their safety is in danger, because they are turning into hypocritical assholes.

Obama said something along the lines of all Muslims not knowing how to treat Americans.

This is all I have to say to him:

You're black. You're not allowed to say ANYTHING about any other race or group.

It's so funny when MINORITIES have to pick on other minorities . . . I would love to see him say the same about white people, and then we would see what happens.

Michelle Obama

Apparently, the dress that Michelle Obama wore a few days ago was NOT designed by an African-American, therefore the African-Americans are speaking out AGAINST her.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The COUNTRY as a whole is being represented by an AFRICAN-AMERICAN, what fucking more do you want?

It's people like that who are the reasons why racism and discrimination still exists.

Sit the fuck down and shut up.

Negative Energy from Negative People

Today I was thinking how freakishly dangerous it really is to have negative people in your aura. Over the last few weeks, I've really started to realize that I'm becoming more and more sheltered everyday when it comes to who I associate with and what I do. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, because if I didn't, God knows I would have gone crazy years ago. For those who know me very well, they know I absolutely cannot stand negativity; whether it's negative actions, or negative thinking, I just don't like it, and I try very hard to shield myself from it.

This is especially true when it comes to people who I associate with on a daily basis. I'm very choosy, and I can count on one hand how many people I truly trust, or those who truly know me for who I am, and not what I represent. I hate liars, and I think liars are the WEAKEST people in the world, because the lie is never about you, it's about them; which is why I leave it up to the Universe to rid me of liars and thieves, which God has done for me over the last few weeks.

People who lie to others have no respect for themselves. . .which, I think, is the lowest category a person can fall in to; the "no self-respect" category. At the end of the day, it doesn't bother me much because it's their karma, and not mine. I guess the next time they're wondering why they're suddenly having panic attacks, or why they're "hurting," or single, or why they're having mood swings, it's karma working its beautiful magic.

Or if they gain a few pounds. . .that's karma, my friend.

;)

Moving on. . . My birthday is in a few weeks, and I am really looking forward to it. I'm having a party at my best friend's house on February 6, and then the next day I am going down to Atlantic City for a nice, extended weekend. The poker tables are calling my name...and I'm answering.

Things have been extremely busy for me lately. This is my last semester of school, and it's becoming very hectic. If I'm not working, I'm at school; if I'm not at school, I'm doing research and papers. It's becoming a little hard balancing everything at once, but hopefully as the next few weeks pass by, I'll become more adapted to the craziness.

I don't know why but the last few days I've been thinking a lot about the past. It's just been one of those elements of time, when I just sit back and go over a lot of things. I'm also finding myself doing some things that I used to do a few years ago, just to bring me back to that timeframe. For example, tonight I made myself some nachos with extra, extra cheese and watched a really good movie that I couldn't bring myself to watching in years. Ninety-nine percent of you probably have no idea what I'm referring to, but that's okay. . .this blog is just for me.

I remember when I had a LiveJournal years and years ago. My goodness, how fast the time flies by. . . I think I had one for three years, from 2002-05. Geez! It feels like lifetimes ago. . . Maybe it was.

I REALLY like the new Kelly Clarkson song. I can't wait for her to go on tour again. Speaking of tours, I can't wait to see Britney Spears on March 13 and 14 at the Prudential Center. I haven't seen her live in YEARS. I also heard Madonna is going on tour again this summer, but she's doing the same tour so I wont be going, unless the setup and set list change significantly, which I don't think either will.

It's a Friday night, 9:52 and I'm doing absolutely nothing except sitting here writing random bullshit; at least my class was canceled for tomorrow. (I hate Saturday classes.) I was going to go out tonight, but I decided against.

Whatever.

xxx

Ed Hardy...My New Favorite Hobby.

Recently, I've been growing an unhealthy obsession toward Ed Hardy. I don't know what it is. I just love the things his line represents. (Even though that's not his real name, I'll still refer to him as Ed Hardy.) I remember a few years ago I had to drive all the way to SoHo to pick up some of his things because no one carried his stuff. Now, it's everywhere--Macy's, Bloomingdales, etc. I'm not going to lie, it kind of irks me because now I see A LOT of people wearing Ed Hardy and thinking they're "cool" because it's become so mainstream...half the people don't even know he's been around for a VERY, very long time, and that he was the original designer for another favorite brand of me (or used to be), Von Dutch.

Anyway, I've been getting A LOT of his things. I recently aquired a wall-sizzed mirror by Ed Hardy, autographed, with cute rhimestones around the edges. It was purchased at an auction in SoHo. I LOVE it. I have many of his T-shirts, over 10 of his hats (two of them are limited edition), many pairs of his sneakers, and a lot of cute accessories. For me, Ed Hardy isn't even a fashion choice; he represents art for me. Every piece of his line tells a story, reflects a special expression, and represents something to me. (But I'm not going to lie, I don't like his cologne.)

I mean I admire him so much that I decided to waste time and WRITE about my obsession. I guess every year I have a new theme.

I like things that aren't too known, but then get angry when they become extremely mainstream. I kind of feel for Ed Hardy the way I do about Louis Vuitton; they're both just priceless. Louis Vuitton, on the other hand, is just simply beautiful. It represents elegence at its best and is very classy. I usually hate things with monograms because they end up looking tacky, but Louis Vuitton is just so nonchalently luxurious and breathtaking.

Anyway, that's my bit about Ed Hardy and my fashion choices for the next few months. (I guess I must be REALLY bored tonight.)

"Love Kills Slowly."---Ed Hardy.

I don't Support People who Support PETA

I never understood those people who dedicate themselves to the principles of the organization PETA. Normally I wouldn't judge things that I don't understand, but I understand enough to not like them or support anything that they stand for. However, I am ALL about protecting cute little puppies and kittens from the evils of the world. I have a dog myself, and I'm so sick of people asking me how I could have a dog and claim to love her if I don't support PETA. I get it ALL the time. PETA is an organization that flat-out discriminates. I just think it's so entertaining that these people spend their lives protecting the animals who would eat them up in 30 seconds if given a chance.

But first thing's first: I don't support anyone or anything that creates fragmentation of separation. I don't care what the color of your skin is, or what your sexuality is, so why should I support an organization that cares about what you wear? I LOVE fur. I think it's so beautiful, luxurious, and cozy. One day I will own something (or walk over something in my house on a daily basis) that has some sort of animal skin on it. I just don't care, and I'm so happy to be living in a country where I can say I don't care. But the sucky part is, PETA cares that I have that right and they're trying to take it away. They even go as far as assaulting people on the street who support people who wear fur. Fashion designers get torn apart if they use fur, and models and regular citizens randomly get red paint or flour thrown on them for wearing it.

Is that right? PETA is spending so much time trying to "educate" (and I use that term VERY loosely) people to do the right thing, but then the next minute they are contradicting what they stand for by violating a person's rights. You don't throw something on anyone or invade their personal space because of a choice they made; that's like throwing a stack of Bibles on a random gay person who is walking down the street, or throwing bags full of bagels on a Jewish person for being Jewish. Are we allowed to do those things if we wanted to? We probably could do them, and there are people who do (unfortunately), but more often than not, they would get in trouble. So then why doesn't PETA get in trouble for doing the same thing? Why are these laws only useful toward some and not others?

PETA is an organization that is trying to get Ben & Jerry's to use HUMAN MILK in their ice cream because they don't think it's fair for people to use cows for their milk. NEWS fucking FLASH people: cows supplying milk is NATURAL; it's a natural instinct for them, it's what their biologically born to do. There's a reason why dairy milk is A LOT healthier for humans than human milk, and there's a reason why they are below us on the chain. It's.just.common.sense.

It may not be a natural thing to be wearing the skin of the animal, and they can very well demonstrate their beliefs to the world on why they think it's wrong, etc., but you do NOT assault someone for not believing in something you don't. PETA doing things like that then makes it OK for people in the Middle-East to kill eachother over choice of religion, it makes it okay for hate-crimes to happen, etc. And why does it make it okay? Because it all comes down to the final reasoning of why it's happening: for not believing in or agreeing on the same thing.

I guess I'll risk having red paint thrown on me one day when I'm walking around Manhattan wearing something that was once worn by an animal (which, by the way, centuries ago was the norm because it helped people to stay warm).

So to anyone who supports PETA, I'd like to invite you all to my house for a nice, cozy roasted beef dinner with the dresscode being LEATHER ONLY.

xxx

My Open Letter is what I decided to Start My New Blog Off With

To Whom It May Concern:

This is an open letter to those who have pissed me off over the last couple of days; like the woman outside of Starbucks who felt the need to remind me that I shouldn't be smoking, because it's "bad for you." I've said it once, and I'll say it again: when it's okay to randomly tell an obese person who you don't know to NOT eat something, because it's bad for them, THEN it will be okay to tell me and other smokers that it's not okay to smoke.

If you ask me I'll rather be a smoker than an eater. At least I can hide the fact that I smoke (if I wanted to, but I'm not ashamed enough to), but an eater cannot hide the fact that they eat, no matter how much black they wear. There's a thin line when black can either make you look slimmer, or make you look like an over-sized oil tank.

In addition to the smoking comment, I was at a stop sign this afternoon when I noticed an elderly woman walking her dog, and my window was down. I then tried to move up a little with my car, because I couldn't look down the street without an obstructed view to see if any other vehicles were coming down. The bitch yelled out, "I've seen you do this before! That's a $250 fine! Don't do it ever again you fucking asshole!!" (Apparently she lives in the area and claims to have yelled at me before for my innocent action, but I honestly do not remember.)

So I decided to take the higher route, and as politely as I could said back, "Maybe you should go fuck yourself you miserable bitch.""I'm friends with the mayor in this town, and I am going to have you arrested," she spit back.

(Please note: this is all taking place while I am still stopped at the stop sign, and she is five feet away from my car.)

I really didn't want to continue with it, but I was so irked throughout the day over certain things I figured she would be my perfect target. So I told her she should stop being so miserable just because other pedestrians cannot tell the difference between her and her dog. I could've sworn she was going to come up to me and slap me in the face, but I drove off. I think she was a little off to begin with, though. I was on the phone throughout this whole thing so my friend heard everything, and he couldn't stop laughing. My friends know me for just randomly lashing out on someone, but I always do it for a reason.

Like the time a few months ago I threw my Blackberry at a Best Buy cashier (which labeled me as Naomi Campbell among my friends), and I had to sign a waiver that stated the next time I entered the store I had to be with a chaperone. But again, it happened for a reason. I was asking technical questions about my phone, and when the guy went to hand it over to me, he literally threw it into my hand; so I threw it right back at him. I only treat people with the same respect they treat me; maybe sometimes a little less depending on who they are, but that's just me.

My last victim of this blog:

People who find it absolutely necessary to pass their bowel movements in public. I'm not one of those people who can do such a thing. In fact, I'm not even talking about public areas such as malls, the workplace, or other various places. I'm talking about bars and clubs. Who the fuck takes a shit at a club? Whoever you are, fuck yourself. I went into a stall a few nights ago in a club, because I had to pee like no tomorrow, and there was shit on the toilet seat, with some spilling onto the ground.

A few things:

1. Are you a fucking animal to have shat (yes, that is the correct tense of the word) all over the seat and not in the designated area?
2. Do you not have any respect for yourself or, at least, some dignity?
3. How DARE you?

I almost threw up. I seriously almost lost my buzz. I had to pretend like I never saw it. It reminded me of the Two Girls, One Cup video that had me sick for days. Sorry to have ended this blog on a shitty note (pun intended), but I need to go back and finish studying. To sum up:

1. Don't judge people who smoke unless you're perfect.
2. Don't talk to strangers.
3. Do NOT shit in clubs, and if you do, please clean up after yourselves. Otherwise, please wear an adult diaper.